My fault

I sit here in the dark for hour thinking
for I can not stop I am sick now
I have had paranoia but now it worse
I fear that I have a phobia
a fear for every time the idea comes to
this mind of mind of mine I stop
my heart hit its limit and fear
I feel hot sweat from my head
can not move, muscles shocked in place
oh my fear has came true and this is why
why I am in this sickness of mine
I could have stopped it but I did not
but only if I knew I would have
my mouth of mine would have stayed
in silence I would have stayed not I
fear all that I may say every word by word
I must plan to say for I don't want to fall again.